Suffering in The Dark...

Taimi Shavuka

Just twenty years old, and fired up with excitement for the future untold

A heart that overflowed with dreams, fantasies, imagining all the endless possibilities

I was just a regular girl, you see: Not short of adversities, but a smile that conquered all of these

But what happened next, I would have never guessed.

The storm that consumed me, I never saw coming.

The curve ball that knocked me into a dark pit, was fired by the one who helped me stay on my feet

See, growing up, I always thought family was always there for one another, cared for each other, no matter the weather

But this facade I had created, was ripped into pieces by an act so evil that it couldn’t be comprehended:

He called me for the weekend, in that I saw no evil intent, after all he’s my cousin, that’s as safe as it gets.

Besides, he said he only wants what’s best for me, little did I know this was a wolf in sheep skin

On the first evening as the sun set, I had no idea that that would be the last time I had my innocence intact

A strange touch, and I knew something was wrong, this wasn’t the right kind of love, and I let him know.

I was perplexed, why was he doing this, this wasn’t love, this was incest!

As midnight struck, the hour had come, when my pleas for him to stop fell on deaf ears, as he pretended to be dumb.

And just like that, he had violated my body, raped me without feeling sorry, and I couldn’t tell anybody.

My heart sank like the Titanic, ‘how could he do this to me?’ I was in panic.

After two weeks of pondering and crying in devastation, I finally worked up the courage for a confrontation.

And as I bombarded him with all my built up emotions, and clattered him with endless questions, he broke down in tears…and I was left in absolute confusion.

The 37 year old man, who raped his uncle’s daughter, was the one in tears, but was he mad? I didn’t understand.

And that’s when he pulled out the card he had up his sleeve, the one that condemned me to four months of sickening abuse and deceit

In the middle of his nauseating sobbing, I heard him saying: “…this secret you have to hide, or else I’ll take my life…I’ll commit suicide.”

Then my heart dropped, I was in shock. I was scared, I was mad…and the nightmare began.

At that moment, as my eyes went back and forth, I imagined my family’s reaction if he really did pull through with this evil thought.

If he dies, all of the blame would be on me. I would never be able to live with that liability.

‘They still needed him’, I thought...all of his financial support.

So I couldn’t tell a soul, I was all alone, trapped in a dark hole….with very little hope.

I was forced to continue with this revolting association, by manipulation and deception.

And as I refused to give up and give him that satisfaction, I continued with my confrontations, and that’s when he stopped to manipulate and began to blackmail.

The little he added to my tuition fees, and basic necessities, all of these he began to demand from me.

I had my hands tied behind my back, with a tight rope that gave me no slack.

On the outside, I put on a lipstick smile, pretended to still see the light. But on the inside…on the inside I was dying.

At home I found comfort, in pills and painkillers taken with alcohol. I just wanted to forget it all!

I was on the verge of destruction, on the edge of a cliff and I saw no salvation

I looked all around me and I saw nothing but darkness. Weather I smiled or not, my heart was always filled with sadness

And just as I was about to give up the battle, just as my life seemed to melt away like a candle…I saw light at the end of the tunnel:

In the story of another that suffered just like me, I found the answer. I found the SAVIOR.

She was raped by her own biological father, yet was strong enough to brace all the pain and stand as a conqueror. Granted strength by the CREATOR and restored by the HEALER.

I decided that I too would draw closer to this REDEEMER…and his name was Jesus.

In him I found healing and meaning to the life that I was living.

He took my heart that was shattered, like Humpty Dumpty. And He put it back together as new as can be.

I was granted the might to stand up for myself and put an end this disturbing story. And all that pain became part of my history.

You see, I’ve been through fire and High waters, but all of these experiences only made me stronger.

And today I stand tall as a princess worthy to be called “your majesty”, for I am the daughter of the great King of Kings; who has rescued and saved me. May he reign forever until eternity

[This is based on a true story published in the Namibian: 7 January 2016 - Twww.namibian.com.na/print.php?id=145869&type=2]

I know you've had your heart broken, I know you have your pains hidden in your closest. I know you've been disappointed...but one thing remains, you are not alone. 

Nor do you have to fight your battle all by yourself, the redeemer lives and he is in the business of healing the broken. 

The enemy wants you to think you are all alone, He delights in you keeping it a secret...dont give him that satisfaction, stop fighting him in his favorite environment: in the Dark. Reach out for help, come into the light, and let others help you regain your life. Shame the devil and bring him into the light, break the chains of his evil traps. Seek Jesus for he is already besides you. 

Deuteronomy 31:8

John 10:10

If you are fortunate and all is well with your soul as you read this, then praise God. But there ares so many people out there that might have gone or are going through this kind of abuse right now. Help reach out to those suffering in darkness, help save the lost. PLEASE SHARE!!

 If by the grace of God, the victim [Taimy Shavuka], of this story reads this Id like to say to you: I am proud of your

bravery and I hope you like the poem, and I hope I didn't change the story, and may this poem help you continue share your story, you have saved and empowered may girls in the same situation you were in. jhaitula@gmail.com or 0818042016 for any comments and/or complaints.